I saw an article today that pissed me off, so I felt the need to rant. I think the comments pissed me off more than the article. Basically, some kid got suspended for 3 days just for asking Miss America to the prom. It’s fucking retarded, and some sheeple are actually defending the the school’s decision to be fucking assholes about it. “OH NOES! He asked her to the prom?!!??! SUSPEND HIM!” WHAT THE FUCK? They act like he asked if he could smell her sweet spot. Now I think she should go to the prom with that kid just as a “fuck you” to the school. Whatever. The whole Miss America thing is a joke. Half of them aren’t that cute. Hell, I can’t even pronounce this one’s fucking name. moving on…
What do you remember most about school? Do you remember the smartest people in your class (aka NERDS!)? What about the bullies or the sluttiest girls (WHORES!)? The class clown probably comes to mind. Well, I was the smart kid and the class clown. It made for an interesting combination. I was smart enough to know that half of what we were being forced to learn was bullshit, and I was bold enough to throw it in the teachers’ faces every chance I got. I use the term “learn” loosely, since school is really just about being force fed knowledge and regurgitating it on a test. Sure you learn some math that sticks with you, but algebra, calculus, and trigonometry are all complete bullshit and a waste of your time unless you intend to be a rocket scientist or something. I’ll never understand these parents that go apeshit when their kid is failing a class that’s complete bullshit to begin with. Take a fucking chill pill and think a little, people.
I remember math in 4th grade was particularly irritating though. Not because it was difficult in any way, but because the teacher was a pain in the ass. The teacher wanted to see everyone’s work, but I could do the problems in my head and just write the answers. Either the student teacher thought I was cheating, or she was just pissed cause I was smarter than her. In any case, it turned into a major dispute. I was doing things my own way or not at all. Not much has changed in 20 years. Another thing about 4th grade that sucked was those assholes trying to force music on us. They sold us these shitty plastic things that looked like mini clarinets/flutes. They were called “recorders.” Record this, assholes: I had no fucking interest in music then, now or at any time what so fucking ever! You shouldn’t be forced to learn shit like that. What pissed me off even more was that my parents were such idiots that they actually sided with the fucking teacher. I don’t want to learn to play a musical instrument! What’s so complicated about that? I’m 29 now, and that still annoys me.
Once I had a locker (6th grade?), I refused to bring home any books. Homework? Fuck you, that’s MY time! You already wasted at least 8 hours of my fucking day. Know what I did? I took my homework from one class to the next and finished it there. If an assignment really sucked, I skipped it. Piss on it. The tests are worth a shitload more than homework anyway, so do half decent on tests and you pass. I guess I was always too smart for my own damn good. I spent more of 7th grade in the hallway/office than I did in class, and I was still on the goddamn honor roll.
In 5th or 6th grade, I figured out that those uncomfortable ceramic chairs in the classroom made for a great fart echo. I think I also learned to make paper footballs around that time. I made a shitload of them even though I hated sports. It was like origami for the artistically challenged. I couldn’t draw for shit, but I could make a mean paper football! I also enjoyed making pointless things out of clay. I sucked at that too though. I had metal shop in 7th grade. It’s a joke class, but I got my nuts in a ringer because we were expected to build a model T truck or some such shit. All I wanted to do was melt things with the torch all day. I may have roasted a few of the other students’ truck parts, but you gotta keep occupied, right? I also had home economics. It wasn’t as much fun as shop, but I’m sure we burned a few things. I also threw a chair at some kid that kicked me when I was down. I don’t remember what the hell I was doing on the floor in the first place, but I remember getting back up to chase the little bastard with a chair.
There were actually teachers I liked. Geography class was ok. I liked the gym teacher too, but his class really pissed me off. I don’t believe in wearing bullshit uniforms to play some lame game for a half hour. I’m probably being generous by even calling it a half hour, since we spent over half the class stretching and running laps. If I wanted to exercise, I’d get some fucking workout videos like the other wackos. When was the last time you heard about a kid pulling a muscle on the playground during recess? I played basketball every morning before English class, but the asshole expected everyone to stretch before playing it in gym class? bullshit. Needless to say, there were plenty of days I would have preferred to skip class and just go wack off in the locker room.
I guess the teachers didn’t like me much either. I was assigned a report on yeast infections in science class once. Yeah, a guy really needs to know about that shit. I bet the fat bitch of a teacher needed info and was just too lazy to do her own research. I had another teacher that routinely threw me out of “Language Arts” class. WTF is that supposed to be, anyway? I really don’t see the point of forcing kids to learn Greek mythology. Last I checked, the bible wasn’t required reading in public schools. That shit amounts to the same thing, in my opinion. I remember amusing myself one day by sneezing all over my desk. It was always an easy way to gross out the girls. Well, that and putting too much hair spray in my hair then shaking it out like dandruff once it dried. I also remember that the bitch somehow came up with the rule that nobody was allowed to go to the bathroom while she was talking. EXCUSE ME!? I don’t think you have the right to control anyone’s bodily functions but your own.
The principal saw plenty of me, as you might have guessed. I think he generally believed everything I had to say though. Whenever I did shit, I always admitted to it. So when I denied something or accused someone else of something, he knew I wasn’t bullshitting him. I got in a dispute with a substitute teacher once over what the real teacher’s rules were regarding taking a test the day after you were absent. He dragged me to the principal (kicking and screaming), and I stated my case loud and clear. No detention. I got it plenty of other times though. I got in school suspension once or twice too. It’s basically like all day detention. They put you in a room to do your school work and teachers take turns standing guard. Works for me, assuming I chose to actually do the assignments that day. The teachers were boring sons of bitches anyway. Anybody remember those annoying tests with questions you can answer in 2 words but the teachers wanted complete sentences? Fuck them. I got the right answer, and that’s that. I had in-school suspension one time, and the asshole watching us throws a book down and demands I answer a bunch of questions in complete sentences. Sure, pal. “#1. The answer is ____.” I bet that pissed him off.
Oh, let us not forget lunch at school. The assholes are all wanting kids to eat healthy. It was bad back then, but I know it’s a lot worse now. The only time I bought lunch in the cafeteria was when they had pizza, pepperoni rolls, or their version of pepperoni hot pockets. Those hot pockets were awesome too, so much better than the microwave shit at the store. I also never drank milk. They didn’t allow us access to the vending machines in the middle school though. If anyone was actually watching them, I went upstairs to the high school vending machines to load up on pop and candy for lunch. Fuck them. I’ll eat what I goddamn please.
What about those stupid #2 pencils? We all remember those. What’s so goddamn great about #2 pencils? Where the hell can I get a #1 pencil!? Fuck it. I like pens, anyway. Those tests with the bubbles to fill in, which require a #2 pencil, are especially annoying. I love multiple choice tests as much as the next guy. However, using those, the teacher might as well just announce that he/she is a lazy son of a bitch.
Don’t forget about having to stand outside in the snow when it’s 10 fucking degrees out waiting for the bus. Plus there’s the bullshit of constantly having to monitor the TV in the when it snows to find out if school’s canceled. Why don’t they just have school from spring to fall and break in the winter instead of in the summer? That’d be the smart thing to do, in my opinion. Otherwise, they’re always fucking around trying to make up days when they cancel. That’s bullshit too. You canceled, it’s done, fuck off. You’re not getting an extra day out of me later. Ever seen people on the same street end up on different buses? Yep, that’s real efficient. Your tax dollars at work, folks. I’ve even seen a bus driver hit a parked car. How the fuck do you miss a Chevy Silverado? I could see if it was one of those pissy little Mini Coopers or something.
After 7th grade, I decided school really wasn’t for me anymore, so I got home-schooled. Good thing too. Had I stuck around, I probably would’ve been expelled for one reason or another. Schools are run by oppressive motherfuckers that think they can demand respect and give none in return. Respect is earned, assholes. They also think that students shouldn’t have any rights whatsoever. They tell them what they can and can’t wear, even what they can and can’t have printed on t-shirts. “No hats, no sunglasses,” and nobody has the balls to stand up to these assholes. Well, it’s a good thing I got out before Stone Cold came about in the WWF. Those shirts obviously would not have gone over well, and I’m not into censorship. I probably would’ve opened a can of whoop ass on someone Stone Cold style too at some point. Some schools also have these “zero tolerance” policies on fighting. Might as well call it a zero logic policy. Some kid gets his ass kicked by a bully and they both get suspended/expelled. That’s right. Now they even punish people for getting beat up! Between the insane, arbitrary, illogical, rules and the perpetual presence of bullies in schools, is it any wonder that some kids just go fucking postal?
I guess it’s a good thing that I got out before Ritalin and other psychiatric solutions became big in schools too. Kids who refuse to go along and do what they’re told nowadays just get diagnosed as having some bullshit problems and have pills crammed down their throats or counseling to make them be like everyone else. Some kids might be genuinely fucked up, but others are just like I was. Schools are no better than the military. They don’t want kids thinking for themselves. They want them to follow orders. Hell, they even force kids to pledge to the flag in the morning. What exactly is that supposed to teach our youth? It’s another forced ritual that’s meaningless itself. Nothing has any meaning if you’re simply forced to do it. Another thing I was glad to avoid was the addition of metal detectors in schools. If you’re unlucky enough to have to deal with that shit, I suggest wearing chain mail just to fuck with the rent-a-cops. Genital piercings would probably make things interesting too, if you’re into that sort of thing.
It’s kind of funny hearing about all these hot young teachers fucking their students nowadays. Where were these women when I was in school? Now THAT’s some fucking sex education. Then people want to crucify the poor women for giving up a little pussy. What red blooded young man doesn’t want to get laid!? Give me some teachers like that and I might’ve actually stayed in school.
Homeschooling is somewhat interesting, if you like solitude, flexible schedules, and being stuck with psychotic parents all the time. The curriculum wasn’t much different than a real school would be, except for some bullshit reading requirement. You end up meeting other home-schoolers from time to time. Of course, they’re mostly shut-in religious folks that I wanted nothing to do with. You have to be pretty fucked up to play sports in a dress. One of those nutty bitches actually played volleyball in a dress all the time though. I’ll never understand people. I wore Stone Cold shirts with “swear” words on them. Nobody really seemed to notice. Maybe I should have gone in drag once just to see if the assholes would actually react to something.
I was also invited to play volleyball with one of my father’s relatives on their church team at some point in high school. I wore my Stone Cold shirts for that too. Some old bastard actually had the balls to throw me out one night because my shirt had the word “ass” on it. Why do religious nuts always forget about everything besides Freedom of Religion? I didn’t play volleyball again until college. It was entertaining returning a ball off my head and watching the other team look stupid when they found out that it actually counts.
That leads me to college, I suppose–another complete fucking waste of precious time that could’ve been used to play video games or jerk off. Yes, college. Go take a bunch of bullshit classes that have no bearing on any career you might be interested in, which are run by pompous assholes who think that their particular field is of some monumental importance instead of the painfully boring degree requirement that it really is. It’s just amazing that people still put up with this shit as if putting themselves in debt for the next 20 years is somehow going to benefit them later. You might as well go buy a new car and get a job at Walmart. Same fuckin difference.
I went to Penn State Shenango for just over 2 years before I finally woke up and quit. I had been isolated so long before I started college that I apparently forgot my balls at home for the longest time. My real attitude came back to me at some point, obviously. During my first semester, I was invited to join the Lion Ambassadors. That was another mistake. The ambassadors were one of the clubs on campus, except it was by invitation only. They worked with the admissions office. It started out simple enough. Help with open houses, plan fund raisers, etc. Well, every event we planned pretty much failed miserably. The group was filled with some of the dumbest smart kids I’ve ever met. Well, I got through the first year. At least we figured out where the best room on campus to have our meetings would be the 2nd year. We picked the air conditioned computer lab and reserved it at noon on Wednesdays all that year. As luck would have it, some professor had a class in there right before us. I don’t think the class even had anything to do with computers, but the bitch kept staying late all the time. At one point, I got fed up and told her to get the hell out. Of course, that made the guy from the admissions office flip out cause I was rude to a bitch with a PhD. Yeah, you guessed it. That was the end of my experience as an ambassador. Frankly, being run over by one might’ve been more fun.
Anyone considering taking Microsoft certification? Don’t bother. Half the shit is still based off Win95 and DOS. What the blue fuck!? And take a look at the A+ test questions. Total shit. They actually expect people to pay like $150 to take that goddamn test? Half the questions don’t even have any relevance. There’s even a bunch of bullshit questions about how to deal with customers. This isn’t business Management 101, assholes! You couldn’t pay me to take that test or any other Microsoft certification. Fuck you, Microsoft. Fuck you very much.
Another thing that pisses me off is seeing these stupid degrees on display. Why do people feel the need to frame their degree and put it on the wall to show it off? Fuck you. Anybody can spend a fortune and get one of those lame ass things. How bout being somebody with enough confidence/self esteem that you don’t need to show off your stupid degree from Dog Twat University? College is such bullshit. It also pisses me off when people act like it matters which college they went to and that it’s the greatest. “I graduated Redneck College in Deer Nuts, Arkansas!” Get bent. The immature assholes that like to advertise which fraternity they got drunk and fucked sheep at need a cup of shut the hell up too.
By the way, why does practically every college have “state” in the name now? Penn State, Ohio Sate, etc make sense, but Youngstown State University? Last I checked, Youngstown was NOT a state. That always bothered me. I know, they’re state funded or certified or some stupid shit, right? Well, what’s the point in advertising it? It may have meant something when there were only a few schools like that, but now they’re all the same. That makes it kind of meaningless.
Going to college doesn’t make you smart. It just means you have the patience to deal with that lame shit. Just because someone has Microsoft certification doesn’t mean they know dick about computers. Remember that. These fucking companies want people with that stupid piece of paper, even though there are usually people without one who are just as qualified if not better for the task. Then there are always the complete and total assholes that only have their job because they know somebody. It’s really a lot like medieval times; if you’re not noble, you’re fucked.
Some of the professors at these colleges are such assgoblins it’s unreal. They take a simple required class and make it hell. They need to realize that 99% of the students in their classes aren’t majoring in whatever lame ass general education subject they’re teaching, and stop running them like they’re fucking masters level classes. When over half the class is failing, it should be obvious that the problem lies with the professor and not the students, and the college should fucking do something about it. I don’t care what kind of degree a professor has on their wall. It doesn’t give them license to put students through hell and fuck up their otherwise good GPAs.
Anyone going to law school? Goodie for you. Have fun paying off student loans for the next 20 years. You may as well be working at Burger King for all you’ll have to show for the first half of your career. Hell, by the time you graduate and pay off your loans you’ll probably only be a few years from the old farts’ home. Wouldn’t college be so much cheaper if you only had to take the classes that were actually relevant to the degree you want? I mean come on. Doesn’t the fact that there are 20 year olds filing for bankruptcy and/or committing suicide over the debt caused by college indicate to anyone that’s there’s a major fucking malfunction here!?!?
They even rape you for textbooks! I know somebody that spent $400 on used books for ONE class! What the fuck is wrong with these professors!? The publishers need to go fuck themselves too. Why the hell do we need a 14th edition of every book?
Know any career students? There’s another load of shit: these idiots that just stay in school forever, and the rich, stupid parents that keep paying for year after year of worthless education because their kid doesn’t have the balls to join the real world. Yeah, fuck them too.
While I consider the Amish culture to be ass backwards and completely obsolete, they do have the right idea about one thing. They only go to school until 8th grade. Really, what the fuck did you learn after 8th grade in school? That’s when they really start piling on the bullshit: Algebra, Trigonometry, Calculus, more History, English classes full of Shakespeare shit, and foreign fucking languages. This is America. Nobody should be forced to learn anything but English. After 8th grade, they don’t teach you ANYTHING useful. You should be able to opt to take the test for a GED at the end of 8th grade and be done with it.
You know what else pisses me off about schools? Their obsession with sports. Who the fuck wants to be in a college classroom with a bunch of brainless, hungover jocks that are only there to play sports and don’t want to learn anything? Plus, those fuckers take all the seats in the easy classes! Why not let them go straight from high school to pro sports, shrink their nuts with steroids, get arrested for some stupid (probably drug-related) offense, and get it over with? I also despise these schools for wasting tax money on the shit. Last I heard, school taxes were meant for education. Maybe if they dropped some of the bullshit like football and get rid of the classes that teach useless shit, our taxes would be lower. I heard one of the schools nearby spends four grand a month to keep the lights on at the football field all night, every night. Ever think of saving little energy, assholes!? As far as sports programs in general go, they should only be paid for by the people that actually give a rat’s testicle about them. Here’s a thought for these schools: SELL TICKETS to the games! People want this shit, let THEM pay the fuckin admission price.
Colleges may seem to give you more freedom than high school, but in reality, they’re not much better. In some ways, they’re worse. I’ve heard of professors that require their students to buy an electronic monitoring device just so they can tell who’s in class. Like nobody’s going to give theirs to a friend? Once again I have to question the logic of the dickhead who came up with that, but I also have to question the students who still put up with the classes. WHY put up with these batshit insane professors?
I’ve heard about programming classes where you get penalized for being too smart. Isn’t that lovely? The professor insists that assignments only be done 1 way, matching the professor’s own programming style. Most computer literate folks will tell you that’s a complete load of shit. It should be about making a program perform a specific function, not how well you can mimic the professor. If it was me, I’d be accusing the professor of fearing students that are smarter than him/her. I’d also accuse them of being a tight ass, prick, son of a bitch with a superiority complex. That’s just me though.
There are also plenty of colleges that charge for parking in campus lots. If the 20 grand these cocksuckers charge a semester for classes isn’t enough to cover student parking, I’d tell them to go fuck themselves. Schools should be obligated to provide adequate fuckin parking at no extra charge if they expect anyone to show up for class. However, once again we’re plagued by pussies that just go along with the rules no matter how wrong they are, so things never change.
These colleges also have a reputation for covering things up. They don’t care who gets into trouble or who gets raped. They just want to keep it quiet and keep the money coming in. They pressure/talk students into letting them handle things instead of the cops. Why do people go along with that? The most likely reason is probably fear of being thrown out of college, losing scholarships, etc. There are other schools. Please stop being wussies and stand up for yourselves.