Fuck Religion

I felt it appropriate to bitch about this on Halloween after reading another blog about how there are actually jesus freaks against Halloween. Religious people are such fucking idiots I hardly know where to begin though. You’d think the human race would’ve gotten smarter over the last 100 years or so, but they’re still the same sheeple that ran crusades, burned people at the stake for witchcraft, and forced kids that didn’t even know each other to marry.

Yet, I’m evil because I don’t show up at church for weekly brainwashing. I’m honest. I have a big heart. I try to be a good person, because I believe in being a good person. I don’t need religion. Call me crazy, but I believe in freedom. Fuck their commandments, rituals, and rules. Plenty of crooks go to church. It sure as hell doesn’t make them better people. They have no business telling people how they should live, dictating what should be illegal based on their beliefs, or being exempt from laws that conflict with their beliefs. Hell, they don’t even pay fuckin taxes!

Separation of church and state doesn’t go nearly far enough. Why the hell does my money mention God on it, and why do you have to swear to him in court? The only time a bible should be in a courtroom is if one of the alter boys beats a priest to death with it because he’s tired of being ass raped. Why don’t Amish have to buy permits for anything, observe leash laws, put plates/registration/insurance on their buggies, or scoop their horses’ shit!? I bet they’ll be exempt from the new health care laws next year too. Am I the only one who doesn’t think that’s very fuckin fair? No one is supposed to be above the law. Freedom of Religion should NOT make these church fucks exempt from it. If they wanted to eat Bald Eagle at their bullshit religious ceremonies, would they get away with that too?

Don’t forget liquor laws. What fucking retard thought it was somehow right for states to determine that alcohol can’t be sold during certain hours or on certain days!? Either it’s legal or not. Fuck off! Nobody tells Walmart what time they can sell DVDs on Sunday. They have no fucking business telling anyone what time they can sell beer. Then people complain when anyone prints a version of the pledge without the words “under god.” The original pledge did NOT include it! The shit was added later, anyway!

As Jesse Ventura once said, “religion is a crutch for the weak-minded”. I think organized religion is complete bullshit. It’s more of a way to control people than anything else. Here’s a new idea: THINK FOR YOURSELF ONCE IN A WHILE! How many people go to church on Sundays who don’t even want to be there? DON’T GO! Enough with the bullshit rituals and sermons. Tell your parents, wife, husband, etc to leave you the hell alone! Notice how we keep hearing about priests and altar boys? Maybe if they were allowed to get married or at least get laid once in a while, they’d keep their hands off the goddamn kids. And why is it always BOYS!? Kind of adds to the sin, considering the typical church views on homosexuality, doesn’t it? Then they have the brass to speak ill of gays that get each other off legally. These bible thumper assholes also force their kids into church schools to be brainwashed by the penguin cunts. What right do they have to force religion down everyone’s throats?

Why is it that people who believe in “god” are religious, but people who believe in aliens are just nuts? I think someone saying there could be life somewhere else out there in the galaxy is a hell of a lot more believable then that “god” fairytale. What a load of shit. Then these people actually think he listens to their prayers; however, he already has a “divine plan,” AND he “works in mysterious ways.” That basically means there’s no point in praying to begin with because his mind is already made up, RIGHT!? Got to love how religion just contradicts itself all over the place. It’s interesting… People who talk to god are religious, but people who hear him talking to them are just nuts.

If you look back in history, as we’re all forced to in school, you’ll see that more people have died because of religion than most diseases. The Crusades, Holocaust, all the big bloodbaths in history. Yet, people still defend it and think it’s so great. You know what they used to do to people that didn’t go to church? They labeled them “witches” and burned them at the stake. That’s how fuckin stupid these people are. If you don’t worship their “god” they’ll kill your ass so you can go meet him! So much for “thou shall not kill.” Then there are those tribal assholes that think sacrificing virgins to their deity will somehow grant them good things. Most people probably look at them and see “stupid primitive monkey fuckers.” The stupid ones are the people in the real world with access to all the knowledge and education, who STILL BELIEVE THIS BULLSHIT! What about the KKK? Weren’t those people religious too? I seem to remember the ones on TV burning crosses to scare people. Speaking of TV, there’s also plenty of movies that demonstrate the stupidity of bible thumpers. Look at Troy. The smart guy wanted to burn that wooden horse, but the religious asshole saw it as an offering to Poseidon and demanded it be brought to the temple. Yeah, that was real smart. Hell, even video games show what a scam organized religion can be; Final Fantasy X, for example. Can’t forget the assholes from the middle east that blow up innocent people in restaurants, along with themselves, and claim it’s for their god, we’re the enemy, and it’s a holy war. Holy shit! The even better part is we have our own home grown, bible thumpers that are just as bad. Look at the nuts that kill doctors and burn abortion clinics! Is everyone riding the short bus these days? Are these superstitious little sheep ever going to wake up and smell the real world!?

These so-called “holy” people also think they have the right to tell people how to talk and when the proper time to have sex is. There’s nothing wrong with the words: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Not one damn thing makes those words different from any other words in the English language. Oh, we can say “poop” or “crap” but nobody wants us to say “shit.” I’ve been banned and moderated on more internet forums than I can count for using these words in context that doesn’t attack anyone. Now about the sex thing… Why should anyone wait for marriage? How do any of us know we’ll even be alive long enough to get married? How many marriages end in divorce now, anyway!? Hell, half the married people aren’t happy even though they do try to stay married. for that matter, why do people think it’s better to stay together “for the kids” or whatever if they’re just going to fight all the time? Get a fuckin divorce and get it over with. Life is short, and let’s face it: SHIT HAPPENS! You shouldn’t deny yourself that pleasure, that passion, that connection with someone. It’s just not right.

What about the Jews? Do they really believe “god” is anti-foreskin!? How can a religion require dick mutilation as a membership prerequisite? You’re born with that skin and you should have every right to decide for yourself whether to keep it or not, as opposed to having it ripped off when you’re a baby. What the fuck is wrong with people? If “god” didn’t like foreskin, why did he create it!?!?! One also has to wonder what idiot came up with those little hats. Do they think they’ll go to hell if they don’t cover the tops of their heads with those little things? How the hell do they stay on, anyway? Try a nail gun sometime, assholes! Improve the human gene pool. I can’t stand these thick-headed religious cultures. They raise their kids to be pretentious cocksuckers just like them. They want them to marry other Jews. They send them to Hebrew school. What the fuck is Hebrew school!? No, I’m not a Nazi. I’m just an asshole.

Jehovah’s Witnesses are a special kind of assholes. These jack offs go door to door peddling their faith, and people actually put up with it. Can’t we have these stupid, irritating people arrested for harassment, trespassing, or something? I’m a Stupidy’s Witness. I witness stupidity every goddamn day. It’s civilization at its finest.

Isn’t there a religion that feeds crackers to their cult members claiming they symbolize the body of Christ or some shit? Well, isn’t that just dandy? Religion promotes mass murder, child molestation, homosexuality, and cannibalism. Plus, churches don’t pay taxes! Yet, these zealots still think religion is such a great thing. I’d say they’re nuts, but that wouldn’t be fair to the real nuts. There are plenty of people that aren’t playing with a full deck, but they usually don’t eat the goddamn cards.

What the fuck do some of these weirdos have against pork? Fuckers should all be tied to a chair and forced to taste it once in their lives. “What? You ate pork!? Go to hell. Go directly to hell. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 virgins.” I wonder if cum is kosher. Then, of course, we have the idiots that won’t even consume caffeine. Yes, I’m complaining about the fuckin Mormons too. Oh, they don’t want to pollute their bodies? They’re another bunch of crazy motherfuckers that should stop polluting the human gene pool.

Who cares if gays want to marry? I don’t give a shit. It doesn’t affect me any. I have nothing against homosexuals, but I can’t stand guys that act like fuckin pixies. Those guys that sound like they slam their nuts in the toilet seat every day just drive me right up the motherfuckin wall. I bet most of these homophobes don’t mind jerking off to lesbian porno. What these bible thumpers need to realize is stopping them from getting married doesn’t stop them from being gay! What’s the goddamn difference!? Marriage in legal terms is supposed to be nothing more than a civil union between two people, so what right do the asshole politicians have regulating or debating gay marriage at all?

Speaking of weddings, I still don’t get the point of the whole thing. Everybody wants that special wedding day. They spend months, or even years, planning it. Here’s the amazing part. After all that planning (and all that money), they do the same fucking thing everybody else does! Why bother? Why not at least be a little creative for fuck sake!? Church, flowers, white dress, tux, party afterwards, and the goddamn chicken dance. I mean come on. Some of these movie stars and musicians might be fuckin nuts, but at least their weddings are original sometimes. The other interesting thing about weddings is that people invite their whole bloody family. I wouldn’t. I don’t like any of my fuckin family, so why invite these assholes for this special day? Who benefits from dumping thousands of dollars into one fucking day? I’ve heard of people spending $3000 on a goddamn wedding cake, $10,000 on a band, $50,000 on a 4 hour reception. Get fucking real! You could’ve gone to the Justice of the Peace, then bought a house, you fuckin idiots!

These anti-abortion, pro-life assholes need to put down their picket signs and get a fucking life. What gives you the fucking right to force a woman to keep that fetus in her? Are you going to give her the thousands and thousands of fuckin dollars needed to raise that child when the daddy runs off with his secretary? I doubt it, so shut the fuck up. It’s the woman’s choice and no one else’s. If they can’t end pregnancy legally, they’ll go back to coat hangers and throwing themselves down the stairs, so who the fuck do these protesting nuts think they’re helping!?

How bout prostitution? Like Carlin said, “Fucking is legal. Selling is legal. So why isn’t selling fucking legal!?” There’s another issue the churches need to stay the fuck out of. Keeping it illegal doesn’t seem to stop anyone from doing it, does it!? Nobody cares! It’s a waste of time to arrest these women who are just trying to make a living. Go find the real criminals! If they’re comfortable with it, what’s the problem? It’s their fuckin body. They can make more money in one day that way than they could make in a month at any dead end job. I don’t necessarily think it’s a good thing to do, but it shouldn’t be illegal. Just like having too much to drink isn’t a smart thing to do, but it’s not illegal unless you put your drunk ass in the driver seat of a car. Hell, if hookers were smart, they’d find a nice legal loophole to use and go back to starting whore houses instead of freezing their asses off on the street corners. If you videotape it, and sell the client the tape, it could actually be legal. The client is merely paying the girl to star in his amateur porn films. Right?

You know what else pisses me off? Those fuckin preachers that are on TV every Sunday. Fuck off! If people want to listen to that shit let em get off their asses and go to church! Keep it the fuck off my TV! I’d rather watch the infomercials! You call these bible thumpers “open-minded?” I sure the fuck don’t. They’re brainwashed. They’re sheep that flock to church every Sunday to listen some asshole in a stupid white collar and ugly dress rant and rave about shit that barely sounds like English.

Cemeteries are the biggest waste of land in this world. The only other thing that comes close in comparison is golf courses. Where the hell did this obsession with planting people come from? They don’t grow. All they do is take up space. They waste land that people could be building Walmarts and titty bars on. Let us not forget about crypts. That’s another good one. Right out of the Egyptians’ play book, but they differ slightly; we don’t hide them like the Egyptians. What idiot came up with this? Some guy wanted his rotting corpse to be easily accessible for his family to check out from time to time? “Hey, cool. grandpa’s eyeballs are gone now. Hey, who put his goddamn watch in there? I wanted that!” Then they want a fucking fortune for the coffins. What is it, like 5 grand minimum? Are these people out of their fucking minds!? Why would you pay thousands of dollars for a pine fucking box to put a corpse on display for a day, then bury it!?! What a rip off. Do people even have the right to bury their dead in the backyard anymore? Or are they basically forced buy space in cemeteries and outrageously priced wood boxes? You’d think somebody would be interested in stopping these assholes from gouging grieving families. Hey, why doesn’t Walmart sell caskets? I vote for cremation. You know another good reason to cremate people rather than bury them? Night of the Living Dead! HELLO!? You know why those zombies all want BRRAAAIIINNNNS? Cause if they fucking had any, they would have opted for cremation!

Another annoying thing about death is all the shit people say about the dead. I don’t say anyone “passed away.” They fucking DIED! OK!? Simple enough? Ever get behind a funeral precession? Aside from wanting to run the cocksuckers off the road, I think they pose a definite hazard to other drivers. Ever notice people think they’re above the law just because they’re following a fucking hearse? Why is that? They follow the goddamn hearse right through red lights. If I go through the green light and T-bone one of those assholes, who exactly is at fault? Not me. Bullshit. I had the green light, right? Then people are always talking about their dead relatives watching over them. You think grandma is up there watching while you’re beating off too? I wonder if she approves of your choice of porn. Hey, you could always get a psychic to ask her for you! That’s another thing these idiots do. They pay these wackjobs to contact their dead relatives.

How’s this for a take on “god?” “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!!!” I don’t care if there’s one or not. I think we should live this motherfuckin life on our motherfuckin terms! Quit clinging to ass backwards faith and rituals. This insane fantasy of an after-life is like a security blanket for people. They’re so afraid of death that many of them never really live. We don’t need some old geezer to tell us what he thinks the meaning of life is! We don’t need some old fart telling people they’ll go to hell if they have abortions! We don’t need some miserable old gray-haired bastard telling us not to use birth control and shit; you raise 12 kids on a middle class income, asshole! We don’t need some young horny idiot in a colorful robe fondling the children! Maybe those fruity fuckers should come out of the closet and live in the real world for a while. Here’s an idea for all these superstitious sons of bitches that think all those fairy tales are real: GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS AND OPEN YOURSELF UP TO LOGIC AND REASON!

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