Fuck Resident Evil 5

I wrote this on True Achievements ages ago and never copied it here. Lost track of it after the battle…

Well, Crapcom never fails to disappoint. I finished the main game over a week ago. I’m still thinking about how horrible it was, and all the praise for it makes me sick.

Ok, it looks good, but I don’t need a cutscene interrupting me every 6 seconds to prove it!!! Did they include to option to play without cutscenes after finishing the game once? Of course not. Make a game or make a movie. Stop trying to do both together. Then to make it worse, you never know when it’s going to turn into QTE hell.

I think I prefer the movies. The story just seemed to stray farther and farther from where RE began. I don’t remember a lot about the first couple, but I know damn well the zombies didn’t shoot back or turn into giant cockroaches.

Could the controls possibly be any worse? The only 3rd person title Capcom has ever made with decent controls was the Devil May Cry series. How did they get that so right and everything else so wrong? I put up with Dead Rising and its mind numbing load screens. I love the Onimusha series in spite of the less than stellar controls, but this game is ridiculous. News flash: laser sights suck in 3rd person. A recticule would be nice. If you’re not going to let me move while aiming, at least make the aiming better.

It’s not just the aiming though. The movement is painfully slow even when “running.” What the hell kind of run is that? You’re not crossing the street. You’re running from fucking zombies! Move your ass! Then even when you’re in a gun fight, you’re constantly interrupted by QTEs. Yeah, I’m trying to shoot things with a mounted machine gun and it’s just going to randomly ask me to press a button and give me only a split second to do it or take a stupid amount of damage. No thank you. I don’t need a QTE for everything. I for one, remember a time when we actually finished our own battles, and ran away from things without the need for a QTE.

When you play on Professional, everything kills you in 1 hit….in a game where you move and react like a goddamn turtle. Great work guys. How bout you just sharpen the discs and throw them at us. Might be more fun than playing this. It was totally awesome having the AI get herself killed 50+ times during an insane boss fight. One little burst from the boss bitch’s SMG and somebody drops dead. It took me 100 tries to complete that fight, and only a 3rd of the deaths were my own. Cheapest, most retarded boss fight ever. I had one dude dead/dying 3 or 4 times and the AI just goes and gets shot by the other bitch. I’ve never been so close to breaking a 360 controller, and I’ve played some real gems on 360. I spent 10 hours failing a race in Ridge Racer 6 one time, and that didn’t piss me off nearly as much as this.

Final Thoughts
Why is the grenade launcher the only thing with no Infinite Ammo option!? All those stupid figurines and junk, and they couldn’t include the ammo option for one more gun. Amazing.

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Fuck Politicians

Lots of shit going on in Virginia this week. Fuck Charlottesville. Stupid politician motherfuckers don’t know how to leave shit alone. They had no reason to fuck with historical monuments. The Democrackheads constantly pull this censorship shit to avoid offending one group while offending the rest who either could give a fuck less or actually want the shit displayed. They keep trying to gut the 2nd amendment and take climate change entirely too seriously. The Republicunts refuse to accept that laws are supposed to be based on logic and reason, as well as applying to everyone equally, regardless of their bullshit beliefs. We should be able to remove/sue/jail every one of these assholes who keeps writing and passing unconstitutional, anti-freedom laws in the name of their fucking deity.

How many times does the supreme court have to strike down their attempts to ban abortion and shit before we start to actually penalize them for wasting tax dollars and abusing the power of their fucking office? How long must we tolerate Sunday restrictions in this country when everyone knows full well they only exist because of xtian assholes trying to force their religion on everyone else? How long must we suffer this broken 2 party system where one side tries to disarm the law abiding and the other side tries to impose biblical law, gives all the tax breaks to the rich, helps the oil companies fuck up the environment, and bails out corporations?

How long will people keep being sheep and voting down party lines? How long will people keep allowing more pointless fucking laws that restrict freedom under the guise of protecting people from themselves and essentially allowing mob rule over personal freedom. Every law restricting purchases (alcohol, cigs, handguns) or activities (gambling) to age 21 is fucking bullshit. People are mature enough to be drafted or choose to join the military at 18 and go fucking kill people, but they’re somehow NOT mature enough to buy beer or stick a quarter in a goddamn slot machine? It’s ridiculous. Either we’re adults at 18 or we’re not. If we can be prosecuted as adults at 18, we have every fucking right to buy alcohol, gamble, etc.

Property owners have no fuckin rights whatsoever anymore either, but nobody has the balls to push back. Home Owners’ Associations can go fuck themselves. People in the city let everyone walk all over them. Property owners should be able to do as they choose with their fucking land. That includes making changes/improvements to their homes without paying for inspections/permits. That also includes letting their fucking grass grow as tall as they want, NOT shoveling snow, etc. Hell, it could be argued that forcing people to shovel the sidewalk in front of their house is slavery. Think about it. Do the task the city demands done or be penalized. That’s slavery. You don’t even own the fuckin sidewalk in spite of it being on your property. Do you have the right to tear our the sidewalk entirely? No? So why is it your job to shovel the son of a bitch after the city’s plow trucks dump everything from the street onto it? Think it over, and grow some balls.

Business owners have no rights either, in spite of the religious fuckwits who argue they should be able to turn away customers whose lifestyles they disagree with and gun phobic fuckwits who think it’s alright to ban perfectly legal weapons from their shops. I’m so tired of this fucking private property argument. When you open it to the public, it’s not “private” anymore. Businesses are subject to every other regulation, law, etc but somehow the 2nd amendment doesn’t apply to them? Bullshit. They can’t discriminate based on color, etc because of those laws. The cops are somehow able to enforce fines if you park in handicap spaces on PRIVATE property owned by these businesses. A restaurant owner can’t even decide whether or not to allow smoking in their building anymore. Yet, businesses are allowed to completely disregard the 1st and 2nd amendments as they see fit, banning gun owners, people with “profanity” on their shirts, etc. and nobody has the balls to really challenge this bullshit? You can’t have it both ways. Either a business is considered a public place and subject to ALL laws of the land, OR it’s private property and NOT subject to any government oversight. WHICH IS IT? These fucking double standards are getting old.

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Fuck the Boston Marathon

Seriously. Where do these assholes get off closing half the goddamn city for a stupid fucking race. Fuck them! Doesn’t any local tax payer complain about being denied access to half the city streets they fucking pay for? How can people care so much about a lame ass race? Running is NOT a fucking sport. It’s what you do when you’re in a big fuckin hurry or being chased by someone. Fuck all those stupid motherfuckers.

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Fuck Student Loans

It’s interesting. People bitch about welfare, food stamps, etc. but nobody seems to want an end to the bullshit student loans the government is forever handing out. Many of those will never be paid back. The interest is ridiculous, but people keep signing up for the shit. The government’s obligation to education should end at High School. Why the fuck are we paying for these idiots to get Liberal Arts degrees and shit? Think about. Really think about it. What would happen if all those student loan programs were cut off and people had to pay for college themselves or not go? Half the colleges in the country would shutdown because nobody could afford their shit. Look at all the useless fucking classes people are required to take to get a degree in a specific field to attempt to get a job in that field. Not to mention the $100 textbooks for each class, because the asshole professors don’t care what it costs you. Fuck all these motherfuckers. The education system in this country is fucking bullshit. People should just get trained for the profession they want to get into. You don’t need to take all this extra shit, and you damn well shouldn’t have to pay for it. We brainwash our youth and teach them to take tests. That’s it. That’s all school is about. You memorize shit, regurgitate it for a test, then forget half of it. We’re a society of test takers. Fucking sheep! Even classes for a major in college teach and test on irrelevant shit. You do NOT need to know shit about the AT&T monopoly to do a networking job wiring computers and setting up software, but we were expected to know it for a Networking test. Fuck that professor and fuck Penn State. That was when I quit in 2001.

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Fuck Mexico

Lots of online gamers complain about lag, and it’s pretty obvious that lag gets noticeably worse when playing with people outside your country for various reasons. We all know that Mexico has shitty internet, but somehow saying that on the gaming forums is considered racist by a few uptight people. A UK player also bitched about people from Spain and Germany causes game issues on their side of the pond as well. I don’t give a fuck what color they are. Their internet fucking sucks, and I don’t want to be matched with them! Hear that Xbox? You stupid motherfuckers! Give us an option to only play with people in our own country for best connection.

Fuck. I’d look for a Mexican girl to marry if the country wasn’t so absurdly religious. I certainly wouldn’t mind a foreign bride. Problem is most countries with lots of women wanting to come to America are countries you don’t want to fucking visit, and US Immigration more or less requires you to nowadays. Fuckers.

p.s. I don’t really give a shit if the orange man builds a wall to keep the brown people out or not. Personally, I think we should just take over Mexico, run out the cartels once and for all, and put a wall on the southern border. That’s a lot less fucking wall to build.

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Fuck the Anthem

See. This is why people piss me off (and why I piss people off). I keep seeing these dumbass articles all over Facebook about athletes not standing for the national anthem. Half the idiots think the athletes should be fired, deported, or killed, and the other half defend the athlete’s freedom to do whatever the fuck they want. Me? I question why the fuck they play the goddamn thing in the first place? Is this an official government event? Are we about to start the Hunger Games or something? Fuck off. “Oh, it’s patriotic.” Yeah, playing the anthem for these assholes making 20 million a year while half the country is in debt/poverty and veterans are on the streets/starving is real fucking patriotic. Paying these idiots 20+ million a year is one of the biggest wastes of money there is to begin with. Skip the song, and let them get on with it. People don’t pay good money to watch these assholes stand around anyway.

I also question why they need celebrities to sing the fucking thing and make it sound horrific with ridiculous high notes. Does anyone seriously want to hear that shit sung that way? Fuck right off, please.

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Fuck the Fucking Olympics

Yeah, I meant to write this sooner, but I’m lazy. Why is everyone so fucking obsessed with this Olympic shit? How is any of this shit considered sports??? Who comes up with those stupid events!? Badminton, sled racing, judging people based on how they dive into a fucking pool!?!? RACE-WALKING!?!?!? They might as well be doing potato sack races for fuck sake! How bout instead of all this stupid gymnastics and ice skating, we have pole dancing? At least that would be fuckin entertaining. Has about the same athletic value as those idiot gymnasts prancing and posing for no fuckin reason. Dodgeball should be an Olympic “sport.” At least that’s fuckin fun. Then these idiots do nothing but train all the time. They have no lives outside that shit. All in pursuit of a fucking hunk of metal. GET A LIFE! Hell, in the US, they apparently tax the athletes on the value of their medals! Of course, they’re not solid medals anyway. The gold medals probably aren’t even 10% gold. WTF is that shit? Everybody seems to think these bullshit “games” are so important though. I don’t get it. Then this most recent Olympics is being hosted in a complete shithole country with terrible sanitation, high crime rates, and mosquitoes with fucking Zika virus everywhere. How fucking stupid do you have to be to go there in the first place? You watch. We’ll be seeing reports of people that were there being fucked up or having retarded kids because of Zika and expecting everyone’s fucking sympathy (not to mention tax dollars for disability).

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Fuck DirectX 12

Why aren’t more people complaining about this requiring Windows 10 to play certain games bullshit? We’ve seen it before, and it was fucking garbage last time. I gave up on PC gaming around the time Halo 2 released on PC. This was partly due to taking a liking to achievements on 360, and partly due to being completely fed up with Windows, DirectX, and Microsoft’s stupid shit. When Halo 2 was released, it was one of the first games to pull that “Vista Only” shit. The hacking scene told MS to fuck off and made Halo 2 run on Windows XP anyway.

Alas, PC gaming still sucks. Once again, they’re trying to tell us we need the newest Windows version to game. Someone proved that was bullshit last time when I was able to play Halo 2 on XP, so how long until someone says enough is enough and starts doing loaders/wrappers for every DirectX 12 game? If a random hacker could do it for Halo 2, how goddamn hard can it be for devs to properly support everything in the first place? I remember games that used to have the option of OpenGL and DirectX. Why not keep doing that and maximize sales by making games run on as many OSes as possible? OpenGL runs on any version of Windows, Linux, etc.

Fuck DirectX! I never had to look for an OpenGL DLL from June 2012 to get a fucking game to run! I’d swear every time I installed something I’d get some bullshit about the game or program needing a specific DirectX DLL from a specific month of the fucking year to function. Just having DirectX 8, 9, etc was never good enough. No, you need that DirectX DLL version from march 2011 for this program to function. Got that? Ok, now you need some bullshit Visual Studio runtime library that’s probably 4 years old and definitely should’ve been included in Windows in the first fucking place. What’s wrong with OpenGL? Oh, that’s right. Microsoft didn’t make it. Everyone has to use Microsoft’s bullshit. Here’s hoping Valve is on the road to ending that circle of terror. They’re the only big dev that seems to care about properly running games on every OS. Hell, we should be able to find grounds to sue MS over this shit. They’re trying to restrict gamers to using Win10 to game because of DirectX 12. The lack of support for these games to run on anything but Win10 is some kind of monopoly type issue, far as I’m concerned.

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Fuck Pro-Lifers

Fuck you no-life bible thumping motherfuckers. Fuck you, your fucking picket signs, and your fucking moral superiority. I’m so goddamn tired of religious motherfuckers trying to drag civilization backwards. If you think it’s so fucking wrong, don’t do it. It’s not your job to judge other people and try to run their fucking lives. If your sky fairy thinks it’s so wrong, let him do the fucking judging, and mind your own goddamn business. If life is so bloody important, stop wasting yours standing around in front of clinics, and stop wasting our tax dollars and governments’ time trying to shutdown clinics with ridiculous legislation that gets slapped down by the supreme court every fucking time it’s challenged.

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Fuck Your Vote

Goddamn I’m tired of this nomination and election bullshit. Fuck em all. The real problem is neither side fully respects the constitution. All they want to do is limit it and work around it to suit their own agenda. The republicans are religious nutfuck wackos that want to ram their beliefs down everyone’s throats, protecting religious privilege, trying to do everything possible to block women’s access to abortions and their right to do what they want with their own bodies. All the democrats want to do is scream about guns and refuse to believe any amount of laws is enough. They want to wipe their asses with the 2nd amendment. For this reason, I hope Trump wins. Either way, I think we’re screwed because politicians from top to bottom won’t stop squabbling over things that they shouldn’t have any control over in the first place, writing laws that are outright unconstitutional and take years to even be properly challenged at the supreme court, and pushing their own beliefs and agendas over freedom, logic, and reason. How bout, you know, balancing the budget, infrastructure, etc instead of running the country into the ground while you disrespect the constitution all day long?

Then all these idiots come out of the woodwork every 4 years rallying and voting on who gets to run in the first place. The 2 party system is what’s completely fucking us over. Nobody else can get a fair chance. The same assholes campaigning for these fools are the dumb motherfuckers who run out and vote straight down party lines every couple years, which puts the same bastards in congress etc every goddamn election. Then people wonder why nothing changes. Maybe because the whole country is run by a bunch of miserable old grey haired bastards on their 12th terms who couldn’t agree on the color of shit, only care about their religious or anti-gun agendas, and could give a fuck less about the constitution, freedom, or the little people doing all the fucking work in this country.

Why do people have to pick and choose who gets to run and vote twice? Why can’t more candidates run? Why can’t the fucking parties even agree on who should run without essentially holding a pretend election before the fucking real one!? Why are people stupid enough to think their vote means jack shit in the primaries anyway? The fucking delegates/superdelegates do whatever the fuck they want in the end anyway. It’s not decided by your votes, it’s decided by theirs, which is fuckin stupid. Hell, Trump’s own party hates him. If that’s not a good reason to vote for him, I don’t know what is. The whole thing is fucking sideways anyway. The true patriots never get to run. It’s only the corporate dog and pony show. The media denies exposure to better candidates that aren’t far enough right or left, libertarian, etc.


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